Leaving an emotional abusive relationship

Breakups suck, but getting out from an emotional abusive relationship is a different story. Mine was a rebound from a six-year relationship and only lasted for six months but damaged me more any of my breakup experiences.

He made me the happiest girl for a day and the most unworthy slave the next day. There were days when my whole body were shaking from anxiety. “Wake me up!” I felt that my body screamed to be woken up from reality every morning.

I didn’t know why.

Getting out

I felt hopeless. My family and friends couldn’t made me feel any better. They told me to get out. That was the worst words that I didn’t want to hear. I knew I had to get out, but I couldn’t because my mind was too cloudy.

I reached out to a good friend who I hadn’t talked in ages. She knew who I was, the real me.

I told her I wanted to be strong because I knew I was. I told her that I could hold it a little longer.

She didn’t tell me to get out from the relationship. She just listened.

I finally said “I want to cry”, and she responded “then cry”.

Just like that. Being vulnerable opened my eyes. She told me not to be strong. She told me to cry. She told me that it was okay to be weak. I knew I wanted to leave, but I couldn’t express it, and she spoke my mind. She made me realize that it was not my battle that was worth fighting for. She gave me courage without telling me “get out” but by saying “I love you, I want you to be safe”.

I left, the night I talked to her. I plugged my ears from whatever my ex said that night. I built a wall on my feeling. I contacted my friends for urgency, and I was surprised how supportive they were.

Healing

Healing hurts. I was lost. I didn’t know how to be myself which it was supposed to be the easiest thing to do. I had a lot of questions in my mind. I wanted an answer for a closure.

I kept telling myself “at least, I am safe now”.

The hardest part was to have no contact with him. “No contact” in definition not only just to stop texting or talking to him, but also not to have him in my mind. No stalking, no checking his social media accounts.

I read thousands articles. It strengthened me but it reminded me of him. Some articles added hatreds towards him. It was not healthy. It was also hard for me not to talk about how he treated me to my friends. I felt that I was toxic.

Everything that made me think about him prevented me from healing. It was like a wound. Scabs are itchy. If I scratched it, I opened the wound that almost healed.

I tried many ways to cope the pain. Being surrounded by positive people gave me hope. The words “you are safe now, you are loved, you are useful, you are smart, you are pretty” healed me. I also started writing my journal with positive thoughts. I noted great things around me no matter how small it was.

“Blow the dust from my eyes, Bring to life what has died,” Anchor by Sarah Juers was a song that I listened over and over everyday.

Be courageous

If you think you are in an abusive relationship, note that there is no fear in love. I thought I would be strong enough to handle the pain a little more.

I was wrong.

That was not my game and neither yours or anybody’s. No one should be with a person who tells you useless, ugly, or stupid. You are amazing, and you know it.

Forgiving is not forgetting. Don’t blame him or her for the damage you suffer now. Don’t blame yourself for letting yourself into the relationship. Accept who he is, who you are, and what has happened. Be kind to yourself.

You have done so much.

“There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love,”

– 1 John 4:18.